Sugar Rush!
by sesshomaruloveralways
Summary: A bunch of random oneshots about the Cullens and BElla. very funny. Prepare to laugh!
1. Bazooka Bubblegum

**Enjoy this random funniness. **

Ch.1: Bazooka Bubblegum

Bella, Edward, and the rest of the Cullen family were sitting quite bored watching a rerun of a TV show. There was nothing to do, and not even Emmett could think of anything. Edward had his arms around Bella and they were cuddled together on the couch. Same goes for Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie.

All of a sudden, the most amazing thing happened. On the TV the commercial for Bazooka Bubblegum started playing. To everyone's shock and amusement, Emmett jumps up and starts to sing, "Bazooka zooka bubblegum, bazooka zooka bubblegum!"

While singing this, Emmett proceeded to do the cabbage patch. At the same time, he was obnoxiously shaking his butt in the air.

After a few moments of staring, Alice shouts, "You're doing it wrong Emmett. It is supposed to go like this." Alice jumps up and while singing along with the commercial, she throws her hands slightly upwards and moves them back and forth in a disco like movement. By now, Bella is in hysterics and Esme and Carlisle are to the point of hyperventilation. Jasper is shaking his head in embarrassment. Edward is strangely calm.

To make matters worse, then Edward growls to Alice, "You're doing it wrong too. Here let me show you how it's done."

He jumps up on the couch, takes off his shirt, and begins to swing it around in his hands like a crazed stripper. Yelling, "Bazooka zooka bubblegum!!" at the top of his lungs. He lets go of the shirt to do a funky belly dancing move like from a genie.

Eventually, the commercial ends, and everyone settles back down. Edward puts his shirt back on and apologizes. Bella, who had been strangely quite, decides to voice a concern.

"I'm terribly sorry, but I believe the phrase you're looking for is….Hubba Bubba bubble tape!"

And so another round of dancing, shouting, and stripping begins.


	2. pixie sticks

HOPE YOU LIKY!!

Ch. 2: Pixie Sticks

It was a surprisingly calm evening at the Cullen house that night. Unless you counted the three plotting teenage girls who were about to commit the ultimate offense on a Mr. Edward Cullen.

Alice and Rosalie were filling Bella in on the last part of their plan. This sleep over was going so well that it was scary. So far there had been no makeovers and no broken bones.

"Okay. So do you have the stuff?" Alice asked for the umpteenth time.

"Yes Alice. I have everything."

"Good. Let's go girls. It's time for the hunt."

Three evil grins spread across their faces. Anyone who saw them at this point knew that they were up to no good.

Slowly they crept through the hallway. You could here the sound of music coming from the destination. It took all of Bella's willpower not to start giggling at the thing they were about to do.

The door further down the hallway opened up and Emmett stepped out.

"Is it time?"

Alice nodded and gave a silent laugh. Rosalie huffed and pushed Alice along. Emmett disappeared down the stairs, laughing all the while.

They neared the bedroom door and the suspense was enough to kill anyone. The girls had been planning this since Bella had arrived. Edward hadn't a chance of knowing. Their thoughts were heavily guarded through the whole process of planning.

Rosalie slowly placed her hand on the doorknob and prepared to bust in. With one last clarification, the operation "Torture Edward" had begun.

Rosalie through open the door and Alice and Bella dashed in with the equipment ready. Edward had a bewildered look on his face.

"What's going on?"

Alice's response was, "Hold him down Rose!"

Edward's eyes flew open and a look of horror came over his flawless features. Bella was grinning like a maniac.

"Bella! Help me!"

The grin widened and if possible Edward's eyes grew even wider. In Bella's hands were over a hundred different flavored pixie sticks.

"Ready Alice," Bella cackled.

Alice laughed and nodded. In Rosalie's grasp, Edward was finished.

Alice forced his mouth open and Bella began to tear open three pixie sticks.

Edward's yells went a little like this, "Hel' me! ther' tyin to ill' me! (translation: help me. their trying to kill me!)

Bella now had the three pixie sticks open and handed them to Alice. Alice gave one last evil laugh and began pouring the pixie powder into Edward's mouth. His cries now sounded as if he was being strangled.

Over and over, Bella handed Alice open packs of pixie sticks which were poured into Edward's forcefully opened mouth. In the last few moments of Edward's torture, Emmett and Jasper came in laughing their heads off.

Rosalie had now relinquished her hold on Edward, and he was trying to swallow/ spit out the powder in his mouth. At the last second, Bella decides to make it worse.

She grabs and extra three pixie sticks, and before Edward could protest, she grabs the hem of his pants, and pours the powder down his pants.

The room went deadly quiet. Edward was silently twitching. The silence was short lived because Edward began to scream like a little girl, "Oh My F'ing God. What the hell! On Duck. It's sticking; it's sticking!"

Emmett and Jasper were on the floor trying to breathe from laughing. Alice and Bella were trying to support themselves. Rosalie was on Edward's couch howling.

* * *

Edward forgave his love and his family for the incident. Sadly, he had never been able to look at any form of sugar again. Especially a PIXIE STICK! 


	3. Tootsie Pop!

**HI everybody! I am so sorry that I have taken forever to update this story. I have been busy with writing the sequel to another story I have recently completed called A New Love In a New Light. Anyhoo, Enjoy!**

Ch.3: Tootsie Pop

ALICE POV

I was currently sitting bored out of my mind in my room. So far I had tried on clothes, pestered Jasper, and watched T.V. Edward was out in the meadow with Bella. No interesting visions had arrived lately. I was so bored! I was not even going to try and explain what was going on in Emmett's jeep at the moment. Carlisle was at the hospital, and Esme had gone shopping without me! Jasper was now out hunting, and I was by myself.

I finally decided to turn the T.V back on in hopes of finding something interesting. Nothing was on except re-runs. Then the most interesting idea popped into my head as I watched a tootsie pop commercial.

Never in all my life of being a vampire had I actually found out the answer to the unsolved question of the tootsie pop. It was better than doing nothing. So I hopped up from my comfortable spot on the bed and ran in vampire speed to my shiny yellow Porsche. I giggled and kissed the hood of the car lovingly. "Who's a good car? You are!" I muttered into the metal.

I sped down the road to the nearest gas station. I nearly flew out of my car, too excited now to pay much attention to what I was doing. Accidentally, I knocked a man into a puddle of mud. Completely ignoring him which is totally unlike me, I ran into the store. I braced myself for impact as I smashed into the counter startling the Indian employee who worked behind the counter. "Do you have any tootsie pops?" I asked in a hurry.

The man just nodded and pointed quickly to the isle that held the candy. His face portrayed his caution to my bizarre behavior. Frantically, I grabbed about five different tootsie pops and paid for them..

I rushed into the house and dumped the small bag of candy onto kitchen counter. I could not believe I was about to do this, but Bella wasn't here so I had to do it myself. I hesitantly opened one pop and licked it. It didn't taste too bad, but I still didn't like human food. And so my counting began. "1…lick…2….lick…3…" It continued this way for a long time.

1 HOUR LATER.

"67…lick…68…69" I had been licking the same tootsie pop for at least and hour. I suddenly heard Edward and Bella walk through the door. Throughout my little adventure I had still been all alone.

Bella and Edward walsed into the room and stopped at the look of my face scrunched up in discust. The flavor of the tootsie pop flavor would have made me throw up if I could.

I lowered the tootsie pop to my lap and stared at them. "What?"

"What are you doing Alice?" Edward asked. His tone was teasing and bewildered at the same time.

I stuck my lip out in a pout. "I got bored!"

Bella laughed at strode up to me. she lifted the tootsie pop from my hands and, to my shock, bit right into it. She removed the stick from her mouth and set it back in my hands. After she finished chewing and I kept staring at her in shock, she spoke. "You shouldn't torture yourself Alice."

Bella giggled an ran up the stairs. I jumped up from my seat and yelled, "I'll get my revenge Bella. I know where you live you clumsy human." I heard her laughter and Edward's from upstairs.

I sighed and sat back down. Oh well I guess the question will never be answered. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Then I had another idea. Grabbing the last tootsie pops. _I bet I can get Jasper and Emmett to eat these. Ha! This is going to be fun!_

**That's it for this chapter. I know it is not very long or very funny like the last two chapters but I promise the next chapter will be. Review please but be nice. **


	4. Jelly Bean

Ch

Ch. 4: Jelly Bean

BELLA'S POV

It was a normal day. Just like any other rainy day in Forks. Only today seemed to be very slow. Nothing interesting had happened lately. Edward was out hunting to my utter disappointment. So far I had done all my homework, scrubbed the house from top to bottom, and done all the laundry. Now I was sitting comfortably on the couch eating a bowl of my favorite sweets while watching a movie. Jelly beans; my absolute favorite. I loved the chewy texture and most of the flavors, especially root beer and dr. pepper. The movie I was watching was very interesting. It was War of the Worlds with Tom Cruise in it. I hadn't seen it yet and it immediately captured my attention.

So, here I sat, eyes wide in suspense, eating jelly beans. And then it happened. A scary part came on and I screamed, jumping up. How it happened I don't know. But, as I stood up from my new seat on the floor, I gasped in horror. I stood up and ran to the bathroom. Quickly, I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose. It didn't work! The jelly bean was STILL STUCK UP MY NOSE!!

"Oh god, oh god, oh god! What do I do?! How do I get it out?" I cried. I tried blowing again; it didn't work. I tried using my hand to get it out. Pushing and pulling on it. It only got worse! I got so frustrated, tears started to pour.

Then to make matters worse, I heard the door open. "Bella! I'm back!"

It was Edward! "We're here too Bella!" Oh no! The whole damn family was here. And here I am in the bathroom with a jelly bean stuck up my nose.

"Where are you Bella?" Edward's voice carried up the stairs.

"In the bathroom," I mumbled, pathetically.

I heard him at the door then, fumbling with the handle. "Bella is everything ok in there?" he asked.

I gulped, "Um…not really, no." I could feel my face erupt into a fresh blush.

The door was open before I could blink, and I was in Edward's arms. I could see Carlisle, Alice, and Emmett clearly behind him. Edward pulled away to look at me, but I averted my face and looked down.

"Bella look at me. What's the matter?" he pushed.

I shook my head. It was so embarrassing! "No," I said stubbornly.

He forcefully grabbed my chin and made me look at him. It was silent for a moment, then Edward asked softly, "Bella what did you do?" His voice coated with amusement.

I jerked my chin away from his fingers and looked down. I heard him start to laugh, and I shot my head up to glare at him. "It's not funny!" To my terror, my voice came out all nasally. Edward busted out laughing.

"How did you manage to do this Bella?"

"What, what did she do?!" I heard Emmett yell.

Edward picked me up gently and carried me out into the hallway. "Let's see if we can get this thing out Bella," he laughed.

I groaned in embarrassment. "WHAT DID SHE DO!?" Alice screamed.

Once I was sitting at the kitchen table, Edward turned to his family and said between chuckles, "Bella got a jelly bean stuck up her nose."

Emmett, Alice, and Jasper busted out laughing. "Omg! That's amazing Bella!" Alice gasped.

I buried my face in my hands. My face was redder than a tomato.

"Alright enough laughing," I heard Carlisle say, "Let's help the poor girl get that thing out."

1 HOUR LATER

"Damn this thing is really in there Bella," Emmett teased. Nothing we had done so far worked. It was hopeless. I would forever have a tutti fruity Jelly bean stuck up my nose!

I couldn't help tearing up again at the thought of it remaining there. "Bella, crying will only make it worse honey," Edward warned.

"I know. I just want it out!" I cried.

I stood up angrily and turned to go upstairs. In my quick maneuver, I knocked over a bottle of pepper. The tickling sensation began as I accidentally inhaled some of the powder. "AH…AH…AHCHOOO!" I sneezed.

And 'woooooo' there went the jelly bean flying across the room, only to go straight down Emmett's throat. The sounds of his chocking could be heard, but I was only interesting in wiggling my nose, basking in the freedom of my clear nose.

I turned to Emmett, "You ok?"

"No I'm not okay!" he yelled, "I just got you snot bean down my throat thank you very much!"

I couldn't help it; I busted into hysterics. The other members joined me. "Well at least my nose is free."

And so my love for jelly beans declined that day. Now I never eat jelly beans while watching action packed or scary movies.

**Hope you guys liked it! Review plz. I'll update ASAP. **


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